


After Hours

by Nanna_Jemima



Series: The Witcher Modern AU - prompt fics [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Fun, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:51:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanna_Jemima/pseuds/Nanna_Jemima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt for Eskel and the Cat: Have them watch a Disney movie! A slow afternoon after a long night and Disney becomes an font of hilarity for tired witchers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After Hours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akhuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akhuna/gifts).



Eskel was half-dozing on the couch with the telly softly murmuring in the background. He wasn’t paying any attention at all, and hadn’t since he’d walked in and flopped down. It had been a long night and a sewer full of drowners. So, so many drowners. Scratch that, it had been a long night and morning, and Lambert had finally left him alone after bitching about the remaining stench of sewer he hadn’t been able to get out of his hair yet. He’d be back at some point. Unfortunately.

He was too tired to even bother flipping channels, so he’d just left the remote where it was and ignored the sounds coming from the screen on the opposite wall.

He smelled her instantly, when she entered. Not so much because he’d gotten used to her smell, but because this day had apparently left her with the distinguished aroma of sheep manure hanging about her. The ammonia was rank. He chuckled.

“Fuck you, too! I can smell you from here as well, you know?” She called from the entrance hall.

“I know, cat. I know. I’m just glad I’m not the only one!” He shouted back at her.

He heard her pad upstairs, heard the shower turn on. And off. And she came down. Yeah, ammonia was hard to get out of the hair as well.

“What the fuck is that? That is not what a tiger looks like!”

Eskel cracked open an eye and looked at the cat. She was standing behind the couch looking intently at the screen across from them, head tilted slightly to one side. He looked at the screen with her. Oh, right, early afternoon meant kids’ shows.

“It’s a stuffed tiger,” he explained as Tigger bounced around on his tail.

“That shit has never been a tiger,” she maintained. “And not even prehensile monkey tails work like that.”

“Sit.” Eskel ordered and made room on the couch beside him. “And explain to me how you can be unfamiliar with Disney.”

“I know what Disney is,” she said defensively, but she did sit down. “Just never bothered with it.”

“Why not?”

“Didn’t really have the option, when I was a kid, and now it seems kinda… late?”

“It’s just a bit of entertainment, and it’s fun whether you’re a kid or an adu-”

“What is THAT thing?” He broke off at her exclamation.

“That’s Piglet. He’s terribly anxious. We’re kinda meant to feel sorry for him.”

“And he’s talking to a teddy bear.”

“Yeah, that’s Pooh.”

“I thought you liked it?”

“No, I don’t think it’s poo. The bear’s name IS Pooh. Winnie the Pooh.”

“Someone named their teddy bear Poo?”

“At least he has a name. Piglet’s just called Piglet. And the bouncy tiger…”

“Which has never been a tiger,” she interjected.

“…is Tigger. I think, you’ll come to find him relatable, actually.”

“Because he’s supposed to be a cat?”

“No, because he can’t sit still for very long at a time. If at all.”

“Oh.” She fell silent as she watched what was happening on the screen. A while later she spoke again: “Please tell me I’m not that annoying.”

“Uhhh, occasionally you can be.”

She shook her head and facepalmed. When she looked up again she lit up. “Now that at least looks like an owl. And is an owl. Apparently.”

Events unfolded on-screen, and Eskel vaguely registered Lambert having returned and heading into the kitchen.

“Why do they ask him for advice, when none of them want to listen to it anyway?”

“They do listen. See?” Pooh and friends did follow Owl’s advice. “He’s just far more long-winded than especially Tigger can handle. Kinda reminds me of Vesemir, at times, when he goes into lecture-mode and we’re all bored out of our skulls.”

The animated friends stumbled across Gopher, who was always good for a few angry rants.

Eskel looked at the cat and she looked back. “Did… did they just meet Lambert?” She asked. Eskel nodded mutely.

“I heard that!” Lambert shouted from the kitchen. “And if you think I’ll so easily forget it, you have another thing coming, Tigger!”

They roared with laughter.

“So, which one of them is Geralt? I don’t think any of them really fit.”

“Nah, maybe he’s a mix of Owl and Rabbit. He’s definitely trying to order us all around half the time.”

“Rabbit? We haven’t seen him yet,” the cat’s eyes focused back on the screen, obviously expecting further enlightenment from that direction.

“Rabbit’s a neat freak. Very orderly. Doesn’t truly fit anyone here. But he’s also very older brother-ish,” Eskel explained.

Lambert walked in from kitchen. “Finally you’re talking sense. Has Tigger here really never seen these magnificent studies in human behaviour?”

They both looked at him and shook their heads.

Lambert continued. “Should probably warn her about you, then. Sooner or later she’ll realise what a broody ass you are and then…” He looked pointedly at Eskel and clearly waited for the right thing to happen on the screen. “Eeyore.”

The Eeyore onscreen moped: “It’s all for naught.”

The cat snorted with laughter.

“Don’t you have some explosives you need to throw in the lake, Gopher?”

“Oh ho ho, getting testy now, are we, Eeyore? Nevermind. I’ll be off. I’m sure there are things you want to do with our bouncy friend here.”

Lambert left with Eskel glaring at his back. When he looked back at the cat she was still barely containing her laughter.

She nearly crawled on top of him and said: “Not a bad idea. Why don’t we bounce off somewhere private and wipe that frown off your face?”

He frowned even harder at her: “I swear, if you call me Eeyore in bed, I’m kicking you out, no matter how well Gopher there likes you.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she declared, and he knew her well enough to know she meant it. “But you look tired, and I’m pretty sure I could put some bounce in your step.” She winked at him.

“I… oh for fuck’s sake. What have we unleashed?” He asked of no one in particular. But he did voice his agreement. “All right, then.” He let her pull him to his feet. “Not gonna turn it down, when you make it sound so tempting.”

The slight pause told him what was to come. And he was laughing before she even started.

“That’s what Tiggers do best! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoooo!”

 

 


End file.
